This blog requires a foreward in order for you to be warned that this is not the usual past experience, a chance to moan or one of Allanah's explosion of the mind, in fact i am bringing this blog down from floating away in to madness and tieing it to a rail like a unwilling balloon, just at least for this one solitary piece.
This could i fear be boring but because i lack the neural power to produce logical sentences, the only way i convey real ideas is by writing them down, or talking non sensically to other retards with the same problem. I have decided that i should have a new 2009 resolution, even if it has been decided a third of the way through the year.
It is a simple enough sentiment is my tri annual resolution, but it appears very hard for me to live up to, a old arch nemesis resolution that has been battled with for 19 years. The resolution is "Don't be an idiot." Normal people seem equipped to be able to do this, but i am very good at being an idiot, if it were a sport i would be champion. Champion idiot. It encompasses a large array of events within a life is this being an idiot in. It just means i physicall can't stop doing things that knobeads do. I suppose it is the flip side of impulsive behavoir or of madness.
"Do not be an idiot," looks quite boring on paper but i am sure there are many bonuses to be had. Numero uno on my agenda is to curve the habitual binge drinking as i am a drink away from kidney explosion and being an alcoholic. My inability not to be a idiot and stop buying drinks is greatly expressed when drunk. This is also when i do most of my idiot work, saying stuff i don't really know anything about, making friends with bad and strange people and offending quite a few others.
The second part of don't being an idiot is to be a bit more healthy, like back in the by gone days of Everest or when i had some spirit and self control. I enjoy being healthy, eating right, excersing n that so i do not quite understand why i have stopped doing it. Now ive realised it is because i am champion idiot. But now with this career path im on it's a must for me to be a person as opposed to this pastey face , lump of skin that has been shuffling drunkenly around.
My third part of "do not be an idiot," is not to get myself any distractions in the form of other people. 2009 is about getting myself in to a good job, having fun with pals, getting healthy, passing my driving tests etc and getting some money to float around with. This is the hardest part of the resolution because i enjoy other people, it is just when they become distractions is it bad for me and distraction point is when it all goes wrong and initial response is to mope around and act of smackable. Distraction point i find myself in quite a lot you see, which is why it is becoming a problem. So to over come this i refuse to go to point of distraction and then invest the energy if it does get forced head first in to that in to my resolition. This is only one option of course. The other is hard drugs until i become a trainspotting-esque vegetable, removing my eyes or brain surgery.
I like the idea of brain surgery as it is the easy option and couldn't possible go wrong. Allanah is going to be my surgeon as we have already purchased the how to of brain surgery from the alternative health section of waterstones and decided the operation date to be that of when i come back from work on the 19th of April. It will be perfomed at eyles hospital so when ive come round from my smack over the head anaesthetic you should come and visit me. I may not remember or like you. The brain is a very complicated organ and the full effects of brain surgery were too serious and boring to research meticuously.
Yours pre operationly
Statler.
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